Brief Sensuality

Brief sensuality is apparently what got Oceans 13 a PG-13 rating.  I'm about to watch now to see if I can spot this fleeting sensual moment. Who can imagine what it will be? I wonder what rating prolonged sensuality would incur? 

Overheard in central park last week

6:30 am.... It is 15°F when the man who beat L. Zimm's marathon time decided to go for a run in central park. He passes two elderly gentleman and overhears the following:

In a thick NY accent, the mench says to his fellow gentleman, "I woke up at 5:30, fucked her twice and went back to sleep."

the Browns deserve our gratitude

Bessie Smith sings about Hannah Brown's reefer and gang of gin, Sam Cooke sings of Julie and Jeremiah Brown's incestuous kissing, and Jim Croce sings of Leroy Brown's gamblin', cheatin', fightin', and murder.

Thank you, Brown family, for your sacrifices at the altar of popular music!

overheard at a holiday party

"Not to be crass, but if someone's got to fuck my daughter, it might as well be this guy."

in memory of Mr. Handsome

He was not a well-behaved dog.


He ate all he could, as well as many things he couldn't.



He was flatulent.


And like a certain ex-girlfriend, who shall here remain nameless, he required a lot of pills -- demanded not just "high maintenance," but constant vigilance.

And yet Korby was an important member of my family, a witness to and participant in almost every major event in my brother's life. My brother's happy engagement and even happier marriage -- his move from the "starter" house to the "settled" house -- the birth of my nephew -- our family's still-unfinished grieving after the death of my father -- "What about the dog," Korby's grandfather used to sing: "What about the dog, he saw it all!"

I take some comfort in the knowledge that Korby was a very lucky dog. It isn't just that he died from what he lived for -- overeating. It's that my brother and my sister-in-law rescued him from a shelter, from where few older dogs are ever adopted -- rescued him and then wrapped him in love for the rest of his life.

Though it is unlikely that my nephew will remember his first canine brother, he will grow up in the happy home that Korby helped to create. For that, Mr. Handsome, I thank you.

pizza to pizza

Yesterday some friends and I ate at the most famous pizza place in Manhattan. Then we ran to the most famous pizza place in Brooklyn, and we ate more pizza there. We're calling it Pizza to Pizza, and we hope you'll join us next time.

These days America needs hard facts, so take note:

1. Total running time: 17 minutes
2. Number of runners: four
3. Group consumption: one small pizza with anchovies, one large pizza with anchovies, one large calzone with mushrooms, six beers, one hot tea

America also needs hard questions, so:

• Is Pizza to Pizza the only run of world-historical importance which can actually cause you to gain weight?

Singles

I don't know if everyone is this way, but I always get a kick out of recognizing an an actor who has a real career now playing a bit part in an older movie. I watched a few minutes of Singles (1992) this morning and the guy who plays Mr. Pryzbylewski in The Wire (Jim True-Frost) has a forgettable but not tiny role, and Victor Garber, who was the Titanic's architect who went down with the ship in Titanic and was Jennifer Garner's father in Alias (why do I know that?), had a non speaking momentary role - with a mustache.