Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Did I do anything wrong? You be the judge

Usually, people get what they deserve. If you perform a mitzvah, it usually comes back to you in some what, shape, or form. If nothing else, you at least feel good about yourself. On the other hand, if you do something wrong, there is usually a penalty or consequence associated with it. You may lose a friend or you may even go to jail. At the absolute least, you may feel bad about yourself. There are situations when people do something wrong and they don't have to pay the consequences. These are the people I wish to expose and talk about.

Often times I feel that it is my responsibility to make sure people are accountable for their actions. Here are two examples:

1. Last year I was running in a local park. As I was running, I saw two women walking side-by-side toward me. It is proper park etiquette to stay on the right side of the trail to avoid collisions with runners/walkers/bikers coming from the opposite direction. However, these women had no regard for etiquette as they took up the entire trail. As I approached, I knew these women were not going to move over. Instead of inconveniencing my run and getting off the trail to let the women pass, I decided justice needed to be served. As I ran by, I clipped one of the women's shoulders with mine. I don't know if I hurt her....but I can only hope she will think twice the next time she sees someone running in her direction.

2. I was on a flight two weeks ago to Washington DC. I had the window seat. As I was watching people coming through the aisle, I was amazed to see the gorilla of a man that was to be my neighbor. He was so obsenely obese that his ass cheeks did not touch the surface of the seat; they rested on the arm rests. What really upset me was that he asked me to move over he was trying to sit down. I thought to myself, "Where the fuck do you want me to go? Out the window?" As he burrowed in, his arms and flab were coming way over the invisible plane that exists in the center of the arm rest. I made it my mission to make this guy's flight as miserable as possible, hoping next time he either decides to drive or go first class. For the entire flight, I didn't budge. Every part of his body that was in my area, I leaned into. I wouldn't concede my space. Why should I? I paid the same amount of money that he paid. He was trying to steel from me!

Those are just two examples. As I tell these stories to my friends, they see me as the bad guy. However, I'm just doing my job. I'm the champion.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Important Announcement

"Sweatshirt" sleeps in a full size bed...It is not a queen.